So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
