I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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