weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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