People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
