Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
