hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
