the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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