Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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