I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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