I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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