he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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