Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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