ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Randomize
