I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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