is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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