dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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