I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
