What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
