There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
