Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
