I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
