I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
