i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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