And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
