dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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