May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
