New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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