Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
