It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
