I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
