the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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