About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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