winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
