I think I won the penis lottery.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
