I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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