I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
