Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
