Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
