If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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