like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
