My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
