Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
