Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
