girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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