No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
