Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
