i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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