what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
