what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
