Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
