1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She's JV to your varsity
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
