Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
